Ok, so maybe not on the first date, but there is a time when sharing your hopes and dreams for starting a family are important issues to talk about with your partner. If you’ve been diagnosed with impaired fertility, it’s important for you both to understand the risks and demands of choosing how to move forwards without hurting your relationship. This means that talking about it, learning about it and planning around it, needs to be handled with mutual respect and concern.
Monitoring your fertility might be as far as you need to take it for now, and a watchful eye on the baby bank can help you adjust your life goals as you go. But for some, you may need to consider freezing your eggs for getting pregnant later on. Embryonic freezing isn’t about promising your body to anyone but yourself. If you’re afraid of scaring off a current beaux, find a way to make it clear that this is about empowering your own sexy self and taking the pressure off of everyone.
If you’re lucky, you both will be investing equally in a future where you can raise your odds of sharing a biological family. Managing the ups and downs of fertility treatments involved in assisted reproduction is a huge challenge. Try to share in successes and excitement but still stay optimistically realistic. Keeping the lines open to each other is paramount for both of you to feel heard and valued while you ride the waves of hormone injections, mood swings and the miracles surrounding maternity. You’ll need to discuss boundaries for talking with friends and family and give each other days where you both get a pass to talk about something else. Find healthy ways to manage the hard days. Journaling, treating yourself to small pleasures or talking with someone going through similar struggles can help you express yourself without falling prey to the deadly blame game or misdirected frustrations.
The most value advice I can offer you is this, remember why you are going through this. Because you want to share the beauty of building a life together. Because you want to build a sturdy home and career first. Because you want to. Whatever it is that made you decide to take action for your future fertility- it should inspire you when you are struggling with insecurities, side effects and panic. Write it down, say it out loud or make a vision board about it. No matter how moody or bloated you feel, there is one side effect that won’t make you regret the decision- it’s soft, small and calls you mommy.
A word to the men out there: just listen, actually listen. Don’t blame anyone, don’t try to fix it, don’t tell her it’s no big deal. Believe me, it’s a big deal. The best comforts you can offer are honesty, communication and attention.